Thanks all, best to you.
BoxinRotz - I hear you and can completely relate to your story. All I can say is what a relief it is for me to no longer be part of the guilt tripping and manipulation that my AW seemed to want to live in. It took a long time for me to see those things for what they were. My AW tried very hard to shift blame to me, and I had to constantly be vigilant to not fall for it, and that effort by itself can be exhausting. Sounds like you know the name of that tune as well.
It took me a while to get to the point of saying “I am done.” It sounds like you are there. I finally realized that I could no longer pretend that reconciliation was possible. At that point, I felt that the merciful thing for both of us was to end it. That process was painful in itself, but as soon as I made the decision I felt relief and hope for the future, and all of the drama and ongoing turmoil became background and beside the point - because I knew I was soon leaving it behind. The task in front of me - getting divorced - became my focus.
Best wishes to you - whatever path you choose.