I feel your pain Chung. But am impressed with your strength. That's all that matters right now - for you and for your family.
For many of us parents who drank despite what we wanted to be doing for and with our kids, getting through those feelings is part of the work towards sobriety. In the end you have the chance to be an example of a life well-lived, not without mistakes and losses, but in the end a life that we worked for and can be proud of.
Keep it moving and stay sober Chung. Rooting for you.