Some in AA talk about being grateful for 'the gift of desperation'. Although I do not feel grateful to that extent, the premise is- we turn the bad stuff around, learn from it and do not do it again. You have children who are still talking to you. My 2 adult sons want nothing to do with me- including the oldest getting married last year. Not a pity party- but a reminder you have a chance here to really make a difference to your kid's - now.
Turn the shame and guilt into workable emotions- remorse and action.
It is hard. Addiction sucks.
Support to you.