Morning weekenders and congrats for another sober weekend in the bag!!
I had my first drinking dream last night, can only recall bits of it and it wasn’t pleasant at all. I was in a public toilet with some friends but it was more like a posh flat and we had got back from a night out where I thought I was not too drunk and had moderated successfully and remembered it all. One of them said “you did get a bit angry with one of the guys at the meal as he wanted to give the collection money to Iraq and you wanted it to go to Manchester” (so weird!). I started to feel sick realising I had no memory of most of the night, the what the hell did you do/say feeling hit like a punch in the gut, the sheer panic hit me. I had lost my coat and jumper which had my house keys in so couldn’t get in my house. Then had flashes that we had all been to my grandmas who made everyone warm toast and Jaffa cakes and everyone had a card from me saying thanks for a good night (that she had given them).
It gets weirder but the sinking feeling I had lost control again was with me when I woke up and it’s taken some time to shift. Yesterday I went through 2 full boxes of wires / chargers / cables / old mobile phones and laptops and found numbers stored on phones from 11 years ago, read old text messages where I cannot believe some of the things I said on them. All the numbers of people I had upset through drinking we’re there and it was so hard to realise I had deleted them off my new phones as we had either fallen out or I was scared I’d drunk dial them and the initial euphoria of finding the number again vanished in a poof of smoke when I realised I couldn’t use them and contact these people again, the damage has been done. I found lots of letters I had typed but never sent out where I was angry and pissed off at someone, I am shocked by the venom and victim behaviour I typed out.
Sorry to ramble and hope everyone has a great sober week! xx