Hi mamabear,
This stuff sucks. It's scary, it's hurtful and as much as I tried working it out with other people in 'reasonable' ways, that never worked. It often got me more wound up and the hurtful, toxic people in my life had fun with it.
So I pray. And I pray to know more about praying. And I prayed for new things, new skills, new thoughts. I opened my heart to doing things in new ways. And time and again, when I couldn't move forward in good ways, I was at least open to God's hand pushing me to a good new action.
Sometimes it's been an Al-anon meeting.
Sometimes it's calling the domestic abuse help hotline or going to one of the centers. These people have helped me many times. They often see things I don't, and are great listeners who encourage me in healthy ways. They've been advocates for me and kid.
One day at a time. Let and let God. What's for dinner tonight?
(((hugs)))