No need to apologize for rambling here, Chung. Venting is better than drinking. I had a bad childhood too, and as a result I didn’t learn good coping skills and instead used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Now that I am older and wiser and know better, I am so grateful there are healthier alternatives. I am also trying to be a much better mom to my son than the mom I had. This is one of my big motivators for staying sober. Plus I want him to see me as a role model in regards to alcohol use. Hang in there. Things will keep getting better. Are you talking to anyone, maybe a counselor, about coping skills? Coming here is great. I needed more though, so I also have a therapist when I need someone neutral to talk to. I needed it a ton in the early sober days.