Alone and scared, I don't want to drink anymore - 3rd round
Day 2 once again. I've been alone now going on 5 years. Literally isolated. I've been dealt some heavy blows and have had the rug pulled from under me several times. Just lost another job 2 weeks ago. Last year I got a job offer in California. Packed up all my things, uprooted myself and drove a 20ft truck all alone to Calabasas only to get there to hear they changed their mind. Had to drive all the way back to Texas. Got back here and looked for another job. Got it and lost it. Cannot collect unemployment it's too soon. I started drinking hard a few months ago and it got bad. I guess the only good thing about losing the job is that it has scared me so bad I stopped drinking. This being alone is maddening. I'll never get someone until I'm healed, clean, and sober. All it takes is one sip on a glass of wine to send me into a 6 week bender. I guess dating is out of the question and the loneliness will continue. I'm so tired of talking about myself it's so selfish. I'm really sick and disgusted in my weakness. All I have that's good is day 3. And that will still be bad. Physically and mentally not doing all that great. I listened to some podcasts this morning and didn't help....just made me feel worse. I don't want to be alone anymore. ---- Just read what I wrote. How utterly pathetic.