No question about it. I can very much relate. Self-destruction, ruined relationships, teetering on the edge etc. All the things that the adolescent mind finds to be so fascinating and full of depth. In the end I think it's really just an addiction to avoidance. When you're "bad" all you're doing is really avoiding the responsibilities that are required make this world go round.
I'm only speaking about myself, I don't mean to suggest anything about you as I don't know you. But I know that that sort of permanent adolescence is what kept me drinking for years as well. It feels good to have finally grown up. It feels better than any of that b******* ever really felt. I like paying my debts, I like being responsible. There's piece, satisfaction and wisdom on this side of sobriety.