Old 09-01-2018, 02:46 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
boreas
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 348
Originally Posted by Free2bme888 View Post
So here’s the long and short of it folks:

Has anyone of you here felt like the partnerships you are/were in are no longer giving you what you need as a sober person/someone who doesn’t drink anymore?

Anyone here, like me, like time with themselves? I’m just thinking it’s so important for me to really find me for a while but I don’t want to break his heart. He has been very Good to me and has been overall good to my children . I guess some of his rotten points are sticking in my head though.

Thanks SR family��
Q1: I’ve had issues with partnerships ending because I (or the other person) was no longer getting what I need even when drinking (or not) wasn’t the issue. I feel that it is everyone’s right in a relationship to re-evaluate and make decisions accordingly. I say that as it seems in your post that you are feeling like you have “flipped the script” in your relationship with your sobriety, and you are worried about the fairness of that. We all grow and change in many ways throughout our lives, and some relationships survive those changes. Others may not.

Q2: Yes, yes, and yes! I cherish my alone time. I often feel emptied after too much interaction with others/meeting everyone’s needs, and that time is a chance to recharge. It isn’t selfish...that’s just what I need in order to rebuild my reserves so I have something to give.

It seems from your post that there were empty spots in your relationship prior to your sobriety. All relationships have them, and for me it is often tough to figure out what empty spaces I can live with, and which are deal breakers. It also strikes me that there is no one pushing for a change in the status quo except BF, and no one who stands to benefit from the proposed new arrangement as much as BF. That in itself is something to ponder.

Congratulations on sobriety, and on ushering twins to high school. None of that is easy. Sounds like you have the potential for lots of changes in your life over the next few years, with the parenting burdens becoming lighter and your love of travel. Mine just entered 11th grade, and I know my life will change as he grows into his. You are wise to look to the future while you consider the present. Best wishes on your path forward.

-bora
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