Almost to D 100, and rethinking my relationship with my partner
Almost to D 100, and rethinking my relationship with my partner
I have been dating my ABF for about 3 1/2 years. He is a very heavy drinker and encouraged me very much to drink as much as him for the past three years.… And I did…
At the beginning of our relationship for the first year it was great and also a little bit tumultuous because I found he was very controlling, and being fresh out of a divorce, my boundaries were very blurry. I had never met someone who drink so much and boy was it fun to get wasted !
He initially showered me with lots of dinners out and gifts. About a year into our relationship I broke it off and he wanted the items he bought me back. Speakers. His used extra outside furniture. A pair of earrings .
We each did a three week hiatus without each other and without alcohol. I loved myself and I journaled daily, stating to myself several times I hope I keep my boundaries with him and my alcohol intake.
codependently, getting back together was awesome! He’s a great cook and we both love food. I am 55 and he is 63, I am in very good shape and he is in good shape but has two knee replacements and cannot run like I love to . Of course most of what we liked to do together was drink together.
I have been concerned about the amount I have been drinking with his influence for the past two years and have finally broken free at the end of May from the alcohol .
Last summer we were supposed to buy a house together. He was an “disability“ for his legs which he was milking the insurance company for benefits. There was an incident where he pushed me at an amusement park last August and this was after I was in a terrible accident and had been in physical therapy for five months for my neck .
Once again, I had a lightbulb illuminate my brain and I thought “what the hell am I doing?“ I decided for sure I was not going to live with him. At least for the time being until I thought about it for a while. Unfortunately my house had already been sold and I was temporarily living with him 20 miles from where I used to live and commuting back-and-forth, and driving my children every other week back-and-forth to their schools and activities it was a nightmare . I had already signed on to buy this big house, and he was supposed to get a mortgage to but for some reason I never got any papers from him. After the incident last August, it was very awkward there and I just couldn’t wait to get out. The house that I bought is very expensive and it’s very tough for me to keep it but I can do it by myself .
Not to make this too long, but we are back together and it has been since December that we have had a pretty good relationship. He does not stop wanting to live with me. He brings it up very often, and quite frankly I don’t think I ever want to live with him, but I could date him like I do and come home to my own house most evenings .
My twins are seniors in high school, and I am entering the last chapter of my life .
I love my alone time and I am very comfortable with myself. I love nature, and hiking. I love nature the majestic Rocky Mountains in the United States and would love to travel.
Although he doesn’t think I ever had a problem ( but he thinks drinking 7 to 10 bourbon and sodas once a week and drinking beer and or wine and or hard liquor every night the rest of the week is normal ) he has been very supportive, but still drinks in front of me.
I know he has absolutely no intention of ever not drinking .
His controlling issues seem to be subdued at this time, but I’m afraid if I live with him, he will use all of my money and try to control me and I might fall back into drinking .
So here’s the long and short of it folks:
Has anyone of you here felt like the partnerships you are/were in are no longer giving you what you need as a sober person/someone who doesn’t drink anymore?
Anyone here, like me, like time with themselves? I’m just thinking it’s so important for me to really find me for a while but I don’t want to break his heart. He has been very Good to me and has been overall good to my children . I guess some of his rotten points are sticking in my head though.
Thanks SR family��