Thanks for the replies. I have tried therapy and AA before. My main issue is that I have ADHD and don't do well with drawn out, muli-step processes. I did 6 months of daily AA meetings, had a sponsor, then got bored and impulsively decided to get a job and start dating. Was soom drinking again and lost the job after a few months. I did the exact same thing after a rehab stint with the same result. My impulse control is like that of a child. I can't use the medication fot it because I abuse it (amphetamines). I had a late diagnosis at age 35 while in rehab for substance abuse so the ship may have already sailed as far as those meds.
I am in such a mess....