Hi wildflower. You have my support and you don't have to find sobriety--it is already within you but can seem so elusive--how I know this!
To claim my sobriety and sanity I had to do things that were entirely out of my comfort space. One of them was inpatient rehab, which I was entirely opposed to until the decision was taken from me and I had no other option save a miserable death. It turned out to be one of the best and bravest things I ever did. At first I was uncommunicative and shut-down but having the time to concentrate only on my recovery with no other distractions was a blessing. I opened up and started working hard on myself; I got my decency and self-respect back and began helping my peers--there was lots of fun, good humor (downright hilarity at times) and love in addition to the difficult work and I would never take back that experience. If it's not for you I understand, but please consider it--don't take anything off the table that could help.
'I don't think I want to do this....I don't want to quit.' I believe you do want to quit but it seems so overwhelming it's difficult to even think about how to do it. If you didn't, I don't think you'd be here. I know you can achieve sobriety and have a good, happy life, wildflower. I thought I was a hopeless case; I was very close to death but at the end I chose to live. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.