I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I’ve been in a relationship for two years in which I could never do anything right. Either I was too needy or too independent. Either I was taking my problems out on him / over using him for support or I was not open and honest enough about my feelings. When his abusive anger outbursts made me cry, it was my crying that was the problem and me being “overly emotional” that caused his anger. When i learned to control my emotions around him and stayed calm during his outbursts, this was proof to him that I was manipulative and pushing his buttons so he would lose it and look like the mad one.
When I would try and make him take responsibility for his actions I was being too needy and trying to make him deal with my problems. When I said I no longer expect him to take any responsibility because I realised that this is not what he wants to do, I was putting myself on a high horse and guilt tripping him.
With some people you can’t make it right because they keep making the wrong moves and then blaming their surroundings for it.