Hi hugbear,
I do find it hard to admit to others its my only way. Right now I am just trying to put some time between me and my last drink. I will worry about what everyone else thinks down the road if I have to.
I agree with you I hope I am dealing with this early enogh to move forward and not have many more consequences from my past. Hoping to heal.
My relapses taught me a lot about the ways the AV has hijacked my brain and convinced me to drink. I feel much better now. The thing is I never got to physical dependency or withdrawals or round the clock drinking so there are many openings my AV likes to use in saying I was not bad enough to quit entirely.
I think approaching this 40 milestone I knew I wanted to quit at this time earlier in the year. I didnt do an all out binge or anything as it got closer, I just accepted the fact that after 25 years its time to go another direction in my life.
The relapse did not make me sure necessarily, but that relapse started almost 5 years ago.
One thing I learned is, if I relapse I usually dont come right back to sobriety. So the idea of drinking for a weekend and starting over is laughable for me.
I thought about it lots and I think sobriety is the best 40th birthday present I can give myself.
Hope you keep going sober and keep coming back here
