Well, it's, Sunday and I did not drink! So hurdle one down and my first act of breaking the chains of this cycle! Though I did not do anything proactive, it still counts.
Today has been one of the happiest days I've had in a really long time - and I don't know why! I have some news about that concert. The wine drinker that I talked about bailed out so there will be no temptation! The other two that are going with me are a pregnant woman and one of my best friends who knows I'm trying to quit. She is actually the person who took me to the ER last time I was in withdrawal. So there will be no booze!! That's not to say there won't be people around me drinking, but that doesn't bother me! I work around people drinking everyday in my work life - hell, I bartend 25 hours a week! It's strange how that doesn't bother me, I guess it's just a way of normalcy. I'm really excited now!
Treated myself to comfort foods: Coca Cola, salt and vinegar chips, ice cream cookie sandwiches and an assortment of candy to snack on during the next day and a half off! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll eat some normal meals, but I'm proud of myself for making it through this long week!
Today (well at this hour) has been pretty amazing. I was however extremely tired at work and cut a lot of corners today. That's not normally like me. I'm usually a by the book and over/over achieving/highly self critical kind of employee. A boss once told me that "even on my worst days I'm really great". Those kind of compliments make me feel kind of awkward. I think too much.
Sundays are such a weird day for me and as I'm just now realizing, they've always been. It's like nobody wants to do anything, everything runs behind, people are just, I can't even put a word on it...fake happy/hungover/slow..I don't know, it just might be a southern United States thing. It's a very frustrating day to me and I always loath it. I don't even know why. Maybe therapy will help me figure this out.
Speaking of therapy, my life time friend is going to help me find a therapist whose specialty is in gay individuals with a heavy focus on addictions. She's a psychologist (as well as bisexual) and knows a lot of people in the medical field. I consider her my sister. I qas so anxious to get into therapy and she told me to "slow down, you need to shop around, Nick. You don't just choose just anyone." She told me about a very great therapist and siad she qould give him a call to see if he's taking any patients.
I should hear by tomorrow. I'm actually pretty excited to start doing something like this! It's a very big step in my life.
I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow (I'm sure a ton of sleeping), but I know I'm not going to drink. Actually, I'm finishing my "final plan" hopefully, and I will be posting it here for all to read and for accountability.
I know I ramble incessantly, but I want to thank all of you for actually taking the time to some how muster throw all of my lengthy/self loathing/desperate/man finding himself again posts. This forum is becoming something special to me. I'm treating it like a journal (or a book of sorts) that I'm allowing everyone from every inch of the globe to read. I'm truly becoming to love it and wished I would have used this tool years ago instead of only posting because I was panicking through a withdrawal.
All of you are amazing. If I don't agree with a lot of things that you are telling me, I am fully taking it to heart and externalizing it. It does run through my head. Thank you for that. I'm always open for any sort of advice and criticism!
This 35 year old, grown ass man is about to watch The Lion King and feel nostalgic!
Keep it movin,
-Nick