Hey there.
I’m just coming through the immediate aftermath of a DUI conviction- my third in a span of 22 years.
I can relate to so much you are describing. I worked myself very hard to control and get in order every little detail that I could influence.
There were days and periods of days that I felt the exact same anxiety- in the mornings just like you described. On two or three occasions I had to clear my work calendar and just took a personal day. On most occasions once I got out of the house it got significantly better.
There are aspects of cleaning up the wreckage - DUIs, finances, relationships, pick your flavor- that are just out of our control and I found the acute anxiety was always related to those things- waiting to get a buyer for my house, waiting on my court date, etc..
I found it helpful to do/ recognize a couple things...
Acknowledge that some of the anxiety is natural given the circumstances. Accepting it helps. These are hard things you are doing and you have to acknowledge that to yourself. Self-compassion is important.
Resting and occasionally escaping via binge watching or something i found helpful too. Though like you I stayed wary of falling into that habit too much. Still, I think it ok occasionally. We have to rest when we’re working so hard and make sure we are taking care of ourselves.
Simple walking helped a ton. The pace of it is not so frantic and demanding as a hard work out. Some deep breathing while doing so is a bonus.
Keeping a journal was and is huge for me. Often I find when I write that at first my thoughts are a jumbled mess. But as I write and let my thoughts just flow I usually start gaining perspective on things that have proved very calming and reinforce/ validate myself and the goals/ plan I’m working.
My therapist is helping too.
The tone I inferred from your descriptions was one of a lot of hard work and responsibility. Even the exercise you are doing made me feel like it was rather intense... which I’m sure is good but maybe add in some yoga or walking or even just resting and maybe occasional indulgences in things you really enjoy.
Best to you. You have a warrior spirit about this that I admire. Treat yourself, you deserve it and are worth it. Don’t forget that piece.
B