Hello Wireman,
You are worn out. I’m so sorry that you speak about rehab and hospitals in multiples. Think about how to make your home a peaceful haven for you and your son.
Has he been left alone with her? Are there daily chunks of time those 2 are alone? What is going down when you are at work? Think about placing him somewhere else after school. Think about giving him some alternative safe places if your wife just keeps on being an A. Do you have any family to help out nearby? What about a friend of his? Could you ask a close friend’s family to be a safe place without him having to explain?
I was lucky to locate a male counselor for my son when my family was in crisis. Now I realize I taught him it’s OK to get some help. I also hopefully taught him the partner of an addict has the right to say enough and just get off the crazy train.
I also recommend to try Alateen.
Look up the laundry list of ACOA (adult children of alcoholics). This is what is being bequeathed. Give him every tool you can muster.
Take care of you two.