Hiya, Matrac. I noticed in your second post that you said you have guilt. Please don't. You're far from being alone in this situation, as Fearless pointed out. I hate it that there's a stigma attached to mental illness.
I can relate to the challenges of being a caregiver. I cared for a parent with Alzheimer's and one with multiple, multiple problems. Both were active alcoholics. (Once, I went to check on my dad, and found him sitting with a martini in his hand and one on the table next to him. As I walked through the house, I found multiple un-touched martinis -- in his office, in the kitchen, on the dining room table, etc. He was making them, forgetting he'd made them, and making more.) Like you, I felt guilty. I was a working mom with two young children at the time, and the challenge of trying to juggle all of the responsibilities and keep everyone safe was very hard. Unlike you, I did often drink at night after everything that needed to be done was done. Not only didn't it help anything, but it made me even more deprssed, exhausted and, sometimes, irritable and impatient, which of course led to more guilt. Aiyaiyai. Vicious cycle. Please don't do that to yourself.
Instead, if at all possible, do try to find a support group and make time to take good care of yourself. You're important -- not only to your son, but to your entire family. I wish you well and hope that you'll soon find a protocol that works for your dear son and that makes your own good world more peaceful and less stressful.