W,
Glad you reached out. You have gotten some good advice above. Our addicts consume everything in our life so things fall by the way side and I can see your son getting the brunt of this. I think your wife has over stepped her bounds picking on him. Enough is enough. Have you ever sat down and talked to him about his moms disease. You might be surprised at what he says or what mom has done. Alcoholism does not need to be the big white elephant in the room that everyone steps around and pretends like it doesn't exist.
There is a forum on SR called adult children of alcoholics. Go and read that forum. Their might be some great information for you, from the prospective of a child of an addict. There are adults on there who wished the one "healthy" parent had just left the marriage instead of trying to keep the family together. They say here, one healthy parent is better then 2 crazy ones.
As said above, give your wife to God and start working on you and your sons recovery. I would hit a therapist, alanon, open aa meetings or an alateen meeting. I think it would be a great support for both of you and much needed.
As for your wife..... I would read all over this forum and learn about boundaries. Boundaries are something that us codies set up for ourselves.
Meaning....1) I will not allow my wife to drink and drive with my child in the car. (meaning you don't leave the child home alone with drunk mom or you take her keys if she is drinking) or you send him to a friends house, as he doesn't need to witness it.
2) I will not pick up the throw up in the bathroom.
3) I will not call in for her if she is to hung over to go to work. We don't discuss these boundaries we just do them. These boundaries will try and help our sanity of living in constant turmoil of an addict.
We do not have to let our addicts be the absolute focus in our lives. Education is power, keep posting and asking questions.... read, read and read. Life will change for you two, but for her, there is no guarantees.
Hugs!!