Old 08-12-2018, 03:15 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
kevlarsjal2
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
I haven't read through the other replies but to me (I went to AA, ACOA, Alanon) it means that first of all I will be kind to myself but not selfish. Means I will not put myself first but also not last. I will put myself on an equal level to all others. And if there is no compromise that can be found when both parties are put on equal levels and if I have draw boundaries or even break contact with someone, then it is my responsibility to do this in a nice and considerate way. It doesn't mean I am not allowed to speak my mind but that I have a responsibility for the way I do it, with respect.

I just had a relationship ending (it was my partner who ended it) and this was a common problem. He is sober but not in recovery and he kept treating me very unkind and inconsiderate. Whenever I mentioned how this made me feel, he used it against me, telling me that I am the alcoholic who is not looking at my part in this, using the AA way against me, to silent me and to brush off pretty much ANY criticism as unjustified. He even went so far to say that 100 % of our problems were my responsibility and my fault. Now I suffered a miscarriage and that again is 100% my responsibility. Of course... I tried so many times, with kindness and patience to be accepting about his behaviour, but it just doesn't work. Some people's minds are so twisted or they are so manipulative that they will use our approach of kindness against us. So I think it is very important to draw boundaries, especially with those people. Just doing that in a respectful way. And just because they will take it as an offence doesn't mean that it was offensive.
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