Shredder22

Hi friends,
After I saw my therapist and had my a ha moment I'm codependent. I felt bad I went home Tuesday and slept until Saturday. No shower, no brushing of teeth. I called my mom throughout all this " she said for heavens sake over a drunk. Snap out of it.

I'm a pretty, nice girl. Why do I want to stink or not shower. It didn't help I caught a flat tire on Tuesday and the horn went on my vehicle along w 3 balding tires. So, I justified that as staying in. I did eat and implented NC. I'm in an apt I have to leave by 9/1. I'm trying to sell my furniture and do eBay I don't want these memories. I handled my vehicle yesterday, and a hot shower. I'm writing a book as writing is a hobby. I read 3 books while in a depression and my bible it wasn't all bad.

I have dated in my whole life 3 npd men where I'm from. Are drunks narcissistic as I felt like state property! I was smeared the whole sha bang. I think I attracted a drunk narc this time.

I woke up today and felt like quitting back to bed so I drove myself to crisis. All this nonsense heightened my ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I know meds are not supposed to be talking about but it coincides w my drunk. I would say please quit he would say no you get off pills. I meet a nurse pract tomorrow to evaluate how to get my ptsd under control. I also am looking at partial outpatient to structure my days.
Not to seem scattered or all over the place but this would be my 4th verbal and or domestic relationship in my life. My friend welcomed me her spare bedroom in Florida for a vacay or a fresh start. My mom said go as furthest south as you can and don't look back. I got a job and they have openings in florida so I can transfer.
Every time I leave therapy it hurts
" he never loved you he is broken he doesn't even love himself" " you can't stand to be alone and one day you are going to have to help yourself as your young.

Am I leaving yes I'm not putting pressure on a time frame but this was the last of this out here. It's memory lane everywhere w all 4 narcs. It sickens me to even be out here any more I believe a fresh start with no dating for quite a long time and finding hobbies without the fear of bumping into a narc.
I'm not knocking al anon but all the friends and families of a drunk are all fresh out inpatient, going to outpatient, and a suicidal mess. The stories are all about the drunk keeping the focus on him not us. Either it's 2 early in the game for that or I went to the wrong ones. I prefer coda or emotions anymous. Al anon steps are great I bought the literature but I followed suit like everyone else and was in the Looney bin earlier. I'll try another one right now bathing, eating, and even a short walk is where I'm at. If you can't leave your home you are useless to yourself and anyone else. I journaled. I'm trying but it still hurts it would hurt anyone I believe if they thought it was real as they don't know real love. It also hurt to be ghosted just disappeared 2.5 months ago and blind side me and to contact me to pay a phone bill. Only to be ghosted hurts. I have to peg him a narc I was discarded with the silent treatment.

Anyone been where I was. I'm glad I got up today and took a stand to help myself and not sleep my 30s away. It still hurts but the more I try to help me the pain lessens. I can't wait till I can post on here Run. Dodge a bullet I know I can get there. Was anyone else discarded and silent treatment from the drunk. A disappearing act. Sometimes it feels I'm all alone but I'm not.
Thank you