Originally Posted by
Mango212 
Interpretation, in this, in the 12 steps, in life, is up to the individual. We are each individual and are allowed the freedom to see things differently. As we do so, we often also begin seeing the many ways we're alike.
I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean I should interpret "be kind, loving, and tolerant" in a way that will be helpful to ME and not necessarily in the way my AA home group/the big book taught me?
I am embracing participation in many new ways. I often go to Al-anon meetings when I'm traveling. I communicate at work in new, direct and healthy ways. I reach out and become a part of healthy group activities in local communities.
That sounds really cool.
None of this involves participating in toxic relationships, chaos or that which is unhealthy for me.
That is what my gut is telling me. Stay away from these toxic people as much as possible. Why do I need to be kind, loving, and tolerant to people who are toxic?
One of the most healing things I find about Al-anon is the phrase "One Day at a Time". I get to choose for this day. Tomorrow I can make whatever choices work for me within the perimeters of that new day. I get the freedom to change my mind, to try things out, to do new actions, to be imperfectly human.
I never thought of that saying in that way before. There's such freedom and self-authentic-ness in these statements.
As I change, grow and get more in touch with my Higher Power, my inner voice and my authentic self, my viewpoint of everything around me continually changes.
Maybe I need a new conception of my Higher Power. Perhaps the one I have now is what the problem is. I found that it's my God concept that's been keeping me from being strong, authentic, and taking care of myself. I think I need a God/Higher Power that says, "PTF, don't take any sh*t from anyone. Be kind to YOU!"
AA/Al-anon/12 step programs are based on suggestions from what has worked again and again for many people. I take these suggestions, one at a time, broken done into small pieces, and try them out for myself. I take what works and leave the rest. I become open to trying new actions and thought processes, one day at a time.
Ok. Do you have suggestions as to how to change my conception of God/Higher Power to get one that wants me to be strong and not take any sh*t from anyone, instead of being all kind, tolerant, loving, forgiving, and patient when that harms me?
"A single act of kindness may seem like such a small thing, but so is an ember that starts a wildfire."
WOW this is profound! I want to walk away from those embers.
As I learn to be kind in news ways, I change. What I seek out, tolerate, choose to fill my life with changes.
I'm not sure I understand this. Can you expand on it?
I am learning to be kind to myself and my toxic FOO by not responding to texts, phone calls or emails. I'm now seeing kindness in actions I've been led to by my Higher Power. In having strength to walk away. Not engaging in sick/ill behaviours can be a type of kindness.
THIS is what I need to continue to do.
But how is this being kind to your toxic FOO? My FOO goes ape sh*t if I don't respond to texts, phone calls, or emails, or if I don't give them information that they want.
I never realized that not engaging in their sick behavior was a kindness to THEM as well? Isn't that they're drug of choice and we're cutting them off, which pisses them off?
I want your Higher Power. :-)