I also did the same to medicate as you mention to forget and realise pressure for a moment. What i never realised alcohol affected my anxiety and was gasoline to mental health problems. I reached the stage i cannot realise the pressure as guilt coming with awerness of killing myself is bigger than realise. I think it is last stage of addiction when you hate it but also still struggling with damaged mental health through drinking. I see people advise to go day by day and be patient. Each lapse makes our mental issues worse and harder to recover. I m sending all my love and compassion. I started last night from square one and taking one day a time with patience. I cannot see another solution. A miracle or quick fix. Stay strong and let me know how you feel in a month and further AF. I let you know. Its horrid now as going through acute dts but strong and determined xD