At the moment, I am not under any services. I take medication to help manage the symptoms. But I have been very well mostly, nowhere near as bad as I have been, have been back under services a few times in crisis, especially when the depression takes over / suicidal thoughts. I have coping mechanisms and strategies to use to deal with the thoughts but I'm not really using them at the moment, and I am not meditating which helps a lot too. I am pretty much ignoring it I think, and then drinking and thinking I'll deal with it in a couple of days / hoping it goes away... which is super frustrating because of course I know it won't.
I feel very depressed today. I have had a good talk with my husband and a cry. He has been supportive. We have agreed it's time to really do something now. I am going to spend tomorrow looking after myself I think - having a nice bath, doing my hair, going shopping for lots of nourishing food and cooking a good meal,then going to AA in the evening (which is terrifying me). I will spend time playing and reading with my son too, which is my favourite thing. I am a very good mum. I want it to stay that way.
I'm rambling a bit sorry, I am really tired. I think it's time for bed now. Thank you for the support.