Originally Posted by
Gilmer 
((((((((((((Suze))))))))))))
I'm so sorry that things have taken this turn.
I hope that, whatever happens, you continue to follow your bliss in school.
Focus and concentration might be very tough for quite awhile, but it is very good for you to have a solid identity of your own.
I can only agree RE the school / own identity. I am just learning now how important that is. Thanks for mentioning it Gilmer!
I lack so much in the identity chapter (both my parents made me feel like I am just part of their life) and when I don't have someone who gives me feedback on what I want and who I am, I feel really anxious and disoriented.
I have no "level" to fall back on when I am suddenly alone. I always end up feeling my whole existence and identity has been taken from me. So when it would be helpful to focus on myself, I cannot do that because I am left without a self (that's what it feels like), like my self still is stuck with the other part. And then in all that mess I first have to start finding myself.
I was in that situation already when my ex/bf wanted a 2 months break last year and I did a little bit of that work, finding out some things I like, and spending time with my true self for the first time really. But it was by no means enough and I regret that now because this lack of identity definitely contributed to relationship problems and also it makes my situation now just a whole lot harder.