Hi all,
I've been doing pretty well and am thrilled to be sober today after almost a full month of sobriety. To give a bit of context, I have never been an everyday drinker for "maintenance", but rather have always been a binge drinker who has a hard time saying no to a drink and a
hopeless time saying no to more (and more and more and more) once I drink one. I found myself trapped in a seemingly neverending pattern of long bouts of sobriety followed by 2-3 day long binges, followed by harrowing withdrawal. All in all, I would lose at least a week of my life due to these binges. At one point, it seemed I would never be able to escape from this pattern, despite how great I felt while on a sober stint.
I decided to take my doctor's advice and try Antabuse to break the cycle once and for all. I realize that this alone is not a solution, so I have also been actively engaged in recovery groups (including AA) and have been seeing a therapist. It feels great, but I am still fearful of falling back into the old pattern. I know I cannot stay on Antabuse forever (nor would I want to), and I can't help but wonder how much of my sobriety is due to the knowledge that I will become visibly ill from drinking while on this drug. It's a kind of a crutch/safety net I'm using right now to break the cycle and maintain a clear head for long enough to figure things out on a deeper level; this I know, and am rigorously pursuing the clarity/"miracle" of long-term sobriety without any medicinal supplement. There still remains, however, this lurking sense of fear that if I stop taking Antabuse, my AV will chime in and manipulate my mind to see it as an opportunity to feel intoxicated again.
Not asking for medical advice, just experience: has anyone used Antabuse to break the cycle as I am doing? Were you successful or did you find that it didn't help once you knew it was out of your system?
Any thoughts are welcome
