You apologized. You said your peace. Sober time for you is priority number one. I can tell you are in so much pain over immediate blow up but also the long term lack of validation for what you know to be true and for who you are as a gay man. You can’t fix that lack of validation or respect today. Or this week. Or later next week. Or maybe ever Can you get some professional help and focus on that? All you can do is get yourself healthy enough to where you know you can only control yourself, your decisions, your reactions. You said you were open to seeing a psychiatrist? Instead of replaying the tape of what’s happened with your family can you work on getting that set up? Many hugs to you.