I'm not going to be of much help because I am new to sobriety but i just wanted to post and say I relate to everything you've said SO MUCH!!! Thank you for sharing. <3
I've never tried to quit in the past, only tried to control. And I end up not being able to stop drinking after I stop, miss work, feel terrible, endless shame cycle that would eventually lead to another binge.
I believe in you! Every day is a new day.