Hi wild flower.
Sorry to hear you drank but you will get sober again.
I agree with the others about setting g healthy boundaries. You are an adult and don't need to spend time with people family or not who make you feel inadequate.
Your mother will think the same of you whether you take the trip or not. Definitely time to put yourself first . Why visit when you clearly don't want to go and know it will trigger you.
Time to make new healthy habits and not engage with toxic people.