RandyLee1015

I have been using substances for half my life, I've been in active addiction since 16. I am aware that I use to forget past trauma and also a false sense that substances will give me freedom from my pain, emotions, the constant mind racing. I relapsed recently and I was given an ultimatum by my family. Use again and I lose everything, namely my daughter and family, I would lose my place to live and other stuff but that is not even comparable to my family. I have put myself on lockdown, I admit that I can't have any freedom or money. I've never done this but I can't lose my daughter. I don't go to AA as it has not worked for me. I'm on Suboxone now but I'm struggling with drinking. I am so anxious but I can't use it. What does anyone do when all you can think about is using, like for 3 days you are just wound up and scheming. I'm not religious, I do have interest in Buddhism and some spirituality but I need another answer besides find God. I know other methods exist. Thanks for listening.