Jad,
I am as clean as I have ever been since I was 5 years old. I know...sad story.
I still crave daily. I associate drinking with life. Good, bad...everything.
I am an addict for the rest of my life. It will never go away. There is brain damage that makes me want to feel that mental distraction.
When I was between 1 day and 180 days clean...or so....the crave was so powerful. I needed the booze to settle down.
It was like the world was moving too fast. The world was just bugging me.
That is brain damage. I believe there are dead spots in my addict brain from all the boozing. Have you ever seen a picture of the brain of an alcoholic. It looks significantly different than a normal brain.
Brain damage.
The brain has to rewire around the dead spots. Relapsing causes further damage. Each relapse causes more and more damage.
I didn't make this stuff up. I learned it here and on the internet.
I am not going out like that.
Each day I suffer through the craves, not as bad as early on, and each morning I wake up feeling as good as I can feel.
I remember what it felt like being hungover. It was horrible. The only way I would have ever suffered like that each morning for so many years is because of physical and mental addiction.
Hope this helps you.
This site helps me remember why I don't drink anymore.
Thanks.