Many of us have stood right where you stand - shame, pain, suffering and all the lying, deceit and forgetting.
But you know you have to change and you have to make some difficult but crucial decisions. As a father I too have drank in the face of the pain that I was causing my son.
Use the pain you have to leverage yourself out of the mental trash heap you are in. Choose not to do that to your daughter ever again.
Would you rather admit to them you are choosing to get better at life and perhaps attend an AA meeting? Or instead let them see the waste of life you are becoming? The poison tells you that the latter is better - don't admit the problem - as if they all don't know.
It's a load of pain, there's no question there. But clarity and confidence and peace can be yours - if you are willing to do the right thing and not drink.
If only all diseases has this simple of a cure. Just don't drink.