Like Dee said, I had to finally decide that change was more important than living (so to speak) like I was.
It isn't easy and we just have to start with that one day of not drinking, not worrying over the tomorrow that we want.
I didn't think AA was an option til it was the only one I had. Whether you do try it for real or not, IRL support is critical for most of us, especially if we get to the terribly sick point I reached.
Hope you stay with us and decide that being sober is worth everything.