Congratulations Wayfarer on Day 4, I'm on Day 4 too. Like you I was sober 6 years, had a good amount of sobriety and I thought foundation. But it too sucked me back in for similar reasons. I am married, 2 daughters, and my husband was aware that I was experimenting again with Alcohol, but not to the extent I truly am.
What tealily said was true, all the creative good thing I am doing have fell to the wayside, I work and come home, sneak a bottle of vodka or something in, hide it, the time I spend planning on getting something to drink, using cash so it's not traceable or combining it with the grocery store bill, and then sneak it somewhere, only to sneak it out, find a dumpster, so so exhausting. And truly for what? That second of feeling nothing, only to have shame and disgust come over you. You have to act sober, you wait and wait hoping you get sober quick so your spouse or kids don't notice, or you go to bed early, only so many headaches, long days you can have to go to bed. And why? why? It's such a disease of the mind.
Like Anna and Chloe said, so exciting for your daughter to have her 1st birthday sober. I'm looking forward to moving my daughter to college sober. I'm going to be Jedi and play that mind trick, I don't need it not want it. We have had long term sobriety so we can do it. It's just up to each one of us to make that decision.
I have no more chances, I was so intoxicated last Saturday, in front of friends I haven't seen in 20 years, they thought I didn't drink anymore, now they are scared of who I am, my husband had to bring me home, my daughter saw me. There is no more chances. I don't want another one. God speed.
Enjoy the weekend. One minute, literally, at a time!