The news is out
.... I can never. Ever. Ever. Drink again.
No wait. I WILL NOT EVER EVER DRINK AGAIN.
I am sending this PSA from my bed in the hospital ICU.
Monday night I called an ambulance for myself after a long day at work and about an hour of biking to work and then an hour walking and biking home made for a very strenuous day on an incredibly overtaxed body.
I climbed into my bed and felt all the fluid in my stomach that just wasnt being absorbed. I couldn't keep it down. I couldn't even sip enough alcohol to keep me from going into withdrawals. Even after all that being on my legs all day the most terrifying part was that I could no longer feel my arms. Or my legs. I was so weak I couldn't walk and could hardly talk or dial and hold the phone. The my head had been constantly spinning all day and just kept getting worse. I called the healthline and told them what was going on. I was told, get thyself to the hospital. With no car and no one to drive, I called the ambulance.
I was honest with them about how much I was drinking and what was going on. I hadn't been able to hold down half a days worth of fluids. It sat in my stomach for 4 hours before coming back up.
I told them about my eating disorder. About stopping my meds and the withdrawals for that. Then the tremors started. Then the rigidity started. My electrolytes were dangerously low. I was put onto two different IVs. When the second one was put in the pain was so searing bad that I started hyperventilating and my heart rate shot through the roof. I tried to calm my breathing then I started to seize. I couldn't move my hands or legs, my feet were flexed and I was totally rigid my wrists unmovable and my hands in claws and all I could do was stare up at the ceiling and whimper "somebody please help me".
Another patient's wife next to me in the er saw me through the curtain as she walked by and stopped and asked if she should get the nurse. All I could say was please help me. The nurse and the doctor came and said I needed some valium, they tried to get me to calm down but that was when the full paralyzing seizure started and into the trauma bay I went. It got worse until they gave me a good shot of valium and then I dont remember the rest because as I fell asleep for a few hours.
Later in the morning they moved me back into the er and let me know they were admitting me into the ICU for observation and stabilization.
Didn't take long to get a bed ready and up to ICU I went. It was nice to have my own room and it was big and quiet and dark. Then was the round of bags and bags of fluids and blood tests to try and correct my sodium and potassium.
Today I am now going home. My levels are good but my kidneys and especially my liver are not in great shape. My doctor flat out told me if this continues I'm going to die.
I mean, I knew I was going to die. If I didn't get help right away. But I needed to hear it out loud. I woke up this morning feeling better rested and more positive than I have in months. And healthier.
I made a sh*t choice to deal with a sh*t situation.
Now I still have some chronic pain and mental health issues to deal with, but I was terrified I'd never be able to quit drinking again. I prayed and prayed for help and maybe this was a little drastic but I feel in my heart it was the kick in the arse I needed to get my head back above the vodka water. This was the answer to my ask for help. I was treated with much kindness. I am so filled with gratitude.
Now the rest is up to me with a little help from some caring people who are waiting to give it.
Love to all of you always
Happy to be back
Xo Delz