Gottalife

That's very perceptive of you Laura, and absolutely true. Where did you get the idea that meetings were the solution? I have seen a lot of people try to get sober by just going to meetings. For the non alcoholic hard drinker, it seems to work, but for the alcoholic described in the book Alcoholics Anonynous, it doesn't work at all.

Some of the other old AA hands say the same thing, just going to meetings and not drinking does not treat alcoholism.

Here are a couple of scenarios that I have seen pan out a few times now. There is the person with responsibilties perhaps, that cant get to very many meetings. Say one or two a week. But they find a sponsor and work the steps between meetings. (Most of the work of getting sober is done away from meetings). They get the steps done for the first time, in a couple of months.

Then there is the other path, loads of meetings, maybe a life coach type sponsor, and no action on the steps.

Which works out best? Well, if they have the same starting point, chronic, hopeless alcoholics who have lost the power of choice in alcohol, I will back the steps ahead of meetings anytime. JME.

I also got your point about the narcissistic aunt in AA, and it is a terribly sad one.

I met a chap, Bernie was his name, the partner of my house keeper. Bernie was dying from a brain tumor and wanted to get some things off his chest. He had no axe to grind. He told me he had been sober for twenty years on his own. It had not been easy or comfortable, in fact it was often worse than the drinking. He rejected AA because of his father.

It turns out his father was in AA and had been a horrendous dry drunk in the privacy of his own home. The guy was highly thought of in the fellowship, he called him Mr AA, but his behaviour did not match his words.

It's like the story of the fellow sharing in a meeting "Well, my day didn't go to well today. I slept in and was late for work. My boss tried to pull me up on it, but I told him where to get off. My collegues were a bit titchy too, and I gave one of them a good serve. On the way home the driver in front was going to slow, so I pulled up beside her and gave her a good earful. Got home, kicked the dog, smacked one of the kids and yelled at the wife. But I didn't drink so that makes me a winner!"

Bernie's greatest regret was that he let his father keep him out of AA. He felt he missed out on a lot, and if my experience is anything to go by, he was absolutely right.

Don't let the actions of a few rob you of the wonderful life that can be found through the AA program (not just the meetings).

Originally the meetings were a place where one could go to be inspired by the success of others working the program. To talk about how to tackle it, what the resulting experiences were like, I mean the big book is clear that it was the common solution that held the fellowship together.

You might find big book study meetings more to your liking. They tend to be drama free, and focussed on bring the solution into our daily lives.

Good luck.