Glad you are sharing your story and thoughts. We do each have our own, but one thing I came to realize is that it was more helpful to look for similarities to others rather than differences. And oortantly, to seek those who had the kind of life I wanted, free of my alcoholic disaster of a non-life.
I too reject the idea that an alcoholic can moderate permanently, ever.
I too deeply relate to the comments above about being the highly achieving yet devastated teen because of my home life ruled by my mothers alcoholism. It has taken many years to heal that as much as I can, and truthfully my alcoholism and now sobriety had give. Me. The most acceptance and empathy about the past and for her.
I too hope you choose permanent sobriety and far better, a life in recovery. It is worth it beyond words.