I think for me one of my biggest regrets was not giving even close to 100% in anything in my life.
The drinking was a kind of escape to no pressure land, and I could blame my failure to live up to my potential on the drink and all the dysfunction I scripted as the causes.
It is a tragic dynamic, and as you point out, you become a slave to the cycle sometimes without a true self-Self awareness that you've lost your agency.
Sounds like you like this Self you've found lg.
We like him too
