Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
Yeah. I came into recovery because I was sick of my relationships being so difficult.
Some of the relationships had to go. Some of them I changed the frequency with which I was willing to engage. Some of them I had to learn to say, "No."
I read so many self-help books. They really helped. The Bible helped a lot too.
I finally just got tired of the fight - internally and externally. I put it down. I forgave. I stopped engaging with my mother, she was who she was and that wasn't up to me to change. There were many times I just walked away from her, or said, "Mom, I have to go," and hung up the phone. And then there were the times she still elicited tears from me. It just happens - family can really get under the skin.
They aren't always right.
I can walk away - and I can not reply. Not engaging was the most powerful, healing thing I did. Keeping my balance became the most important thing and I accomplished that by not talking and/or by not reacting.
Thanks Bim, that really is helpful to read. I've been thinking today about the affect this all has on me and actually my part in it is just feeding into the insecurity that I don't really matter. I am lucky, my family all love one another but we all grew up with this anxiety of under-achieving, of not being good enough. I don't think I've ever felt like it was enough to be myself.
But I'm 37 now, I want to accept myself as enough, without the jobs, the degrees. I always felt judged (actually we were all judged) and I've let that become the relationship I have with myself. I'm judgemental of my siblings too. It's not right.
I'm going to re-negotiate all of this into something I can manage and not feel guilty - I have suffered from chronic guilt my whole life
xxx