Originally Posted by
Hope1111 
Tonight I tried to offer solutions of what he might explore to make him happy instead. He was defensive and aggressive and seemed to think that nothing in the world can help, not psychologists , not " fun" activities. Nothing.
This is really hard -- but he's right. We tend to think that if our spouse is unhappy (read: drunk), we can do something about it. But this is an illusion -- we are not driving them to drink, and by the same token, we can't make them stop.
As a very wise member of one of my Al-Anon groups used to say, "Happiness is an inside job." This means we can't make a person happy (or make them give up booze). But the flip side is that we can
stop trying, because it's out of our hands. We don't have to worry that every little thing we do is going to set them off, because that's not what's happening, even if we think it is. They are not drinking because of us! This realization is liberating, because it means we can release the burden of being "perfect enough that they won't need to drink."
Look for an Al-Anon meeting in your area -- you can find them on the Web. You don't have to say anything, at the meeting -- you can just sit and listen if you want. Good luck!
T