I think I am losing my mind already. I started writing a to do list with things on it like -call dad -listen to harry potter audio book -finish jigsaw puzzle -eat cookie -eat pizza -watch documentary.... just so I have the feeling that I am busy and like I achieve some things throughout the day :lol
Thanks everyone for being there and being so lovely. I appreciate all your nice words. It helps to know that I'm not all alone and that people care.
What I wrote into my journal this morning was mostly about how, as a child and throughout my life, I kept finding myself alone in difficult times. My parents were overwhelmed with having a child and their divorce and I often made the experience that people withdraw from me when I ask for help or when I have problems. Which hurts of course cause that's when you need company the most. And now my partner did the same, leaving me when i really needed him. And I think he left me partly because of the situation I'm in, cause it's too much for him.