TLC,
I am almost 4 years post divorce. It still is hard to see axh. My DD26 got married and we were together for the weekend. You want to see the good in him, but the ugly side always emerges. I once again had to tell him to have a "good life" and blocked him on my phone. I truly believe they are out of their minds and are not sane.
Take as long as you can of no contact and build up your strength. You are doing amazing. Just keep moving forward.