I cannot thank all of you enough for your replies! I feel so strong when I am at work or alone at home with the kids but I have doubt if I have done everything when my husband sends me a message like the one he sent me today:
What about what I want? I'm trying to point out that none of this helps me or makes me want to be different than the sad thing that I've become. I literally am just trying to be closer to you and you won't let that happen. I understand that my drinking gets in the way of that, but you don't seem to have a want to be closer to me.
Now I know he is manipulative & I know my husband is also scared of losing me but not ready to quit & we have been on this hamster wheel for 2 years & I cannot wait for when he is ready anymore. He acts like a day together would fix us & I know he is looking for happiness for a day where I am looking big picture, happiness for the future. So do you ignore these messages? Do you reply with short responses such as if you are not ready to quit I want to separate. I know I have to remind myself like dandylion said that I am not going to be able to wrap my heard around how his brain works but it is so hard.