Welcome TS11.
You've received a lot of good advice. Keep posting. Read around. I might have missed it in your post but are you sober now?
How do you find happiness? You asked this question. My experience is happiness is a feeling. Like sadness, or loneliness or fear. It isn't a 'state' of being. It comes and goes....like all other feelings. Seeking it, at least for me, is folly. And it definitely isn't in a bottle....not that I didn't try endlessly to find it there.
Contentment. That, for me, is a state that I can achieve. If I have a baseline of contentment whatever happens from there, good or bad, is temporary. I just hope to return to contentment. And no, I'm not always content. Haha. But I try to work toward that, tweak my life as I need to.
Alcohol is chaos and havoc for me. Period.