I’m sorry you are struggling!
Don’t kid yourself about drinking and driving. You really should not drive if you have ANY alcohol. This is from someone with four DUIs on my record.
I recommend getting help, try one on one counseling, group addiction therapy, AA, Smart Recovery, anything you haven’t tried or been successful at thus far.
The reality is, if you keep drinking something bad is going to happen. It’s a progressive disease, and it only gets worse.