Hi TLC,
I’m relating to your post. Was in court with mine this week for violating a restraining order. I do well, then I have days—like today—where I’m weepy and sad.
Something that has been helping me is to understand the neuroscience of abuse. Abuse is a cycle; they were charming at first (otherwise we never would have been with them) and there were some good times in there. Our brain is hardwired to want us to feel the good stuff, rather than the pain and despair, and so we recall it, which makes our hearts hurt and restarts that cycle. So even though we are away from the abuse, it still impacts us. Therapy helps, understanding that the hurt we are feeling is really just from our brain, seems to help me. I can tell myself that I don’t really miss him: I miss the promise of him, the plans that we made, the good times, the person that existed before he was an abusive A. When I saw mine in court I could see how he had deteriorated and it broke my heart. I agreed to a plea deal for him so he would get treatment. What I see today isn’t the man that I fell in love with, it’s a stranger. I don’t know this person and the one I did know is gone.
I hope that you are feeling better soon.