Welcome, Littlefun!
I used to think that even though I overdid it when I drank, I could quit anytime I wanted to--I just didn't want to.
It was an awful feeling when I got tired of the problems it was causing me and decided I should quit only to find out I couldn't. There was always some reason or justification of why it was okay to drink again.
I tried every which way to control it so I wouldn't have to stop entirely and nothing ever worked for long.
After enough pain and misery of trying to hang on to it, I finally gave up trying and got help to stop completely. That's the only relief I've found.