I used to pose myself the hypothetical question, “If I knew I was destined to die soon, would I go back to drinking?”
it's interesting, isn't it, this question.
if we omit "soon", it holds for all of us now.
and eventually it will all be "soon" for each of us, whether we will know ahead of time or not.
and the idea might creep in that "in that case, if it's soon, it won't really matter".
so glad that's not where you're at, Kathy. not only because it has you saying "no" to the idea, but because you have a life such that it matters; you are the person who it matters to, in your life, that you want and choose to live it soberly no matter what.