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Old 07-15-2018, 10:12 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
Berrybean
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
[QUOTE=Laura3;6955600]

My life is already over...
I don't have a relationship with my family,
don't see my son often,
don't have any hobbies or career,
I'm tired from too many traumatic events and dysfunctional relationships.

I've tried this before. I see myself lasting a few weeks and deciding there's no point.

I can't recover my life. [QUOTE]


You know, you're AV (addictive voice) is just trying to convince you that is isn't worth the effort. It's presenting CONSEQUENCES of drinking to you as rationalisations FOR drinking. Recovery has been for me (and loads of other people I've met) a chance to rebuild broken relationships, and to find acceptance and peace around parental situations and past hurts. So many of my friends in recovery have had the chance to be better parents. Some had even had kids taken away fro them, and then a year or so into recovery have got them back, and the time they do spend with their children there is real connection there because they are present and in the moment with their child, not hung over, drunk, or looking ahead to the next drink and feeling like the time with their kid is hindering them from doing what they want to do.
I'm not saying poeple dont have trauma in their lives when they stop drinking. Of course not. BUT, there seems to be a lot less of the dramatic kind. And when it does come we have people we can connect with and talk things through honestly (not in a blame shifting or fearful way) and we can just quietly do the next right thing. And of course, any relationship we have while in active alcoholism is likely to be dysfunctional. It took me getting sober to realise that the one thing all my dysfunctional relationships had in common was ME. Although my taste in allies and hang-outs (I know now they weren't friends)was pretty suspect. I tended to choose people who were like me, then complain about all the ways they were like me, not realising I was just like that as well. But perhaps you're different.

As far as a few weeks goes. Well. Hopefully after a few weeks you'll feel a bit healthier, but recovery takes longer than two weeks. It's no quick fix, however we do it. There is no quick fix option. There is no pain free option. BUT, what is the alternative? To carry on as you are. And that doesn't seem to be working out too well at the moment.

When I first went in the rooms I was secretly more suspicious and uncomfortable with the women. Because I couldn't understand why they were being nice. I couldn't sure out what was in it for them. (The blokes I could just presume what they were after, or that's what my sick mind told me anyway). How could i manipulate someone and stay in control if i didnt understand what they wanted?!? Scary ****! Turns out that in AA the 12th step of the recovery plan is helping others to get and stay sober. When we help each other it's part of our recovery work, and that's what they were doing. Nothing to do with me having anything to give them, or do for them. It's like passing on grace. Grace is unearned love. Before recovery, to be absolutely honest I only knew about Eros, Sexualized love. Other kinds of love just kinda went over my head. But they're the kind of love that I've learnt about in recovery, and that kind of love makes everything seem different. Please, do stay away from the men and stick with the women, as scary and strange as that will seem at first.

Good luck at your first meeting if you do decide to give it a go. Your life is not over yet. And there's a part of you that WANTS to live. There must be or you wouldn't be posting on here at all.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
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