How do you move past all the lies? I feel like I am in the endless loop of hurt and just when I get a glimpse of feeling better the wave hits again. I am having to provide so much information to the attorneys and in going through it I can't hide from the truth. My husband of 22 years has turned into everything he said he despised. He is a pathological liar, he's unfaithful, he's manipulative, he's selfish and he continues to try and sell this fantasy of being a good person. I am going to have to relive all of this in court because he still won't be honest with me and the attorneys or probably himself. Its almost as if new levels of bad keep getting exposed and its so much worse than I could have imagined. I know this is probably good for closure but this man has hurt me more than everyone else combined. I was constantly hit and degraded as a child, I was stalked and attacked as a young woman, I have been cheated on and lied to by old boyfriends, but no one has ever made me feel the kind of pain that my husband has. I thought being left in a hotel room after disfiguring cancer surgery was the worst but thats nothing compared to the truth of who I married that I am facing right now. People say to take your power back you need to own your story, I want to be strong enough but I am unsure how. I want to be able to move forward and live my life again. Part of me wants to show all the evidence to his family, friends, coworkers maybe even his grandmother and she is the one I respect the most. Lord knows what he has told them more lies I am sure. Maybe I am the delusional one? I believed I married a good person who valued and cared for other people, there were so many signs along the way (more than just the alcohol, and so many people who warned me.) It would actually be easier if he had died. That sounds horrible to say but it would be easier because there is finality to it, but then again I'm sure his family and others who didn't really know him would rewrite his history and make a martyr of him like they did his father. So the cycle continues I guess the one good thing is that the kids and I are no longer on the ride.
